This attractive yet distracted Lady is welcoming you to the Bernard Shaw bogs. Come on in…

And here inside is her lively alter-ego, ready to observe you in quiet excitement as you go about your toilet business.

I love the dubious cocktail of artistic bathroom styles going on in the Bernard Shaw Ladies. You have the old school dark wood and stained glass, massive professional graffiti, twee flowery tiles and shitloads of amateur biro graffiti all over the top of it!

Rubber/sanitary protection machine, very handy, and clearly stealable giant toilet rolls! Though I wouldn’t steal from the Bernard Shaw as I like the place and it isn’t a rip off, I only use my five finger discount in very disappointing and/or ludicrously overpriced places.

Above is some proof of the rich variety of custom the Bernard Shaw receives. A Proust quote alongside ‘Spice Love’, the filthy ‘Would you like to come inside me??’, ‘Go Wild’ (why not?) and the enterprising ‘Aidy Lady’ who has left her (or his..) tag on every cubicle!

So, I conclude that the Bernard Shaw bogs are well worth a visit, in fact the whole place is well worth visiting. A lovely setting for a quiet early evening pint, or 10 loud pints and a bit of a dance if you like, and when you go to break the seal you can read a wealth of drunken ramblings on your cubicle door.


Last weekend a friend’s band (the excellent Soul Purpose) were playing at the Gaiety and invited me to come along. I hadn’t been before and didn’t realise that after midnight this lovely theatre turns into Club Twaterama. The band were excellent and the place is nice but it is mostly filled with poserish men and loud women wearing shoes (or carrying shoes) that not only make the wearer walk like a hunchback with rickets but are also dangerous to anyone wearing a soft-toed sensible shoe anywhere in the vicinity. Purpley red stiletto bruises on my dainty size 5’s are not a souvenir I want to take home from any night out, or indeed any rush-hour train ride with ambitiously dressed business women.

I didn’t bother even taking photos as the toilet was packed with squawking ladies who -er- may have had a bit to drink and were having difficulty controlling their damned un-ladylike selves – and their damned dangerous shoes for that matter. The toilets were fine, and I’d like to go see some ballet in the Gaiety and review them properly at a calmer time, as the late night clientele had left them in quite a state.

Also, in vengeance for the fact that my boyfriend bought what he claims was one of the worst pints of Guinness he has ever had that night, for fecking outrageous 6euro50!! I admit that I stole an industrial size roll of toilet paper from that resistible restroom.. tee hee! at least if he gets the runs after that awful pint of Guinness, the Gaiety will pay for the clean-up!

I am the victor!

I am the victor!

Hello again, welcome to the Ochreworks lavatorial facilities:

Oh wow! its like being inside Mr. Blobby! The Ocreworks is a relatively new and very pleasant bar/restaurant/mini venue in Dalston. The decor is highly imaginative and unusual throughout the place (great duck themed artwork in the bar) and the bogs are no exception.

The pink theme is continued into the cublicles, which are plainer, but smart and stylish, and although you can’t really see it in the photo there is a towel dispenser! hooray! no stupid noisy hand dryers!

And check it out, this is the one differentiation between the ladies and gents:

Ah! a lovely pink kiss on the door! Apologies for photo quality, I’d filled my bladder with a few (very reasonably priced) Peronis in preparation for this visit, and didn’t realise my camera was on some kind of manual-blur-anti-focus setting which I hadn’t realised existed.

So, generally a great blog in a lovely bar (manned by very lovely barstaff too by the way!) and an extra point for having a peg on the back of the door. Always a plus I find for keeping your bag/coat/handbag dog from getting grubby. Or if you liked you could completely remove your trousers and pants, hang them up out of harms way and pee nude from the waist down.. whatever floats one’s boat..

Thank you!